Society's interest in other people's personal lives amazes me. I was on ESPN's website and instead of NBA playoffs making headlines, there's stories on Roethlisberger's sex scandal and updates on Tiger's marriage/divorce. You turn on the TV and instead of good quality television - we have reality T.V. Cmon! What happened to shows with moral messages in the end like the Cosby show and Full House! And I'm such a hypocrite because what do I do with MY spare time?? Facebook and twitter...DAHH..Why are we as a society so consumed by other people's drama? 

That's why this blog of mine always puts me in a teeter totter of wanting to express myself without giving myself away. It's crazy to know that someone who barely knows my name can go onto one of my social networks and know everything about me -- from hobbies to my deepest feelings. 

I dont know if its because I'm writing a paper on Globalization right now, but its amazing to me how intrusive our society is getting. 

Our world is getting smaller and smaller. 

If a celebrity is dating someone new, gets a new haircut, gets some plastic surgery, cheats, falls in love, it hits headlines! The reality TV stars who we consider celebrities are people who live the same lives that we do! And on the smaller scale, why is it that people are more likely to reveal their problems and feelings on public websites than they are to their closest friends?? Why do we get consumed by how our thoughts and feelings appear on the internet more than the actual issue? 

When I was with my family at venice beach, I was so caught up in trying to upload my twitpic that I missed my baby brother go down the slide!! 

Dahh...EFF that. I refuse to give into the system. I'm gonna continue to express what I want to express for me and only me. 

I will get through this. 

I am becoming even more and more in awe of the role of just being a woman. To simultaneously take care of the family, the home and work, while keeping integrity and sanity is rough but god damn, my mom is effin good at it. She is strong, beautiful, loving, and gives her all to the ones she loves and has so much respect and value for herself. I continuously strive to be stronger because I have her to look up to. She understands me like no other person in the world could and am so thankful to have her in my life. She's my bestfriend. 

Happy Mothers Day, Mama. 

You either grow up or fall down.

Just as I’ve barely dipped my toe into adulthood, encountering the previously mentioned financial problems, God has pushed me into the deep end and I’ve been forced to tread through waves of responsibility after another.

 

Almost 3 months ago, Alvin ruptured his Achilles tendon during taekwondo practice and has been severely disabled since. He can barely move around and is forced to stay in bed, while I, at only 21 years old, 

1. must take care of him,

2. take care of the apartment, 

3.cook

4. clean

5. be a fulltime student while trying to graduate

6. work 6 days a week

7.  participate in chi delt events almost every other day.

 8. maintain my own sanity

It gets rough. I get resentful, I get tired. I get mad. I get sad. I get mentally and physically exhausted

But there are days and moments like these when I can pause, and reflect on my growth and be proud of my progression as a woman. I can look back and see that it’s a “beautiful struggle” because it’s worth it. As I’m writing this I can’t help but tear up and be thankful to God for giving me the strength to push though.  I am thankful to God for giving me a man who I WANT to work hard for and blessed life to live for. With any aversive experience I always try to ask myself if I’ve gained anything from it  and I see so much growth from this. I have been able to juggle all of my new acquired responsibilities without dropping any ball. I’ve learned how to love and take care of another person without having to sacrifice my own priorities and duties. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and this hardship is making ME stronger as well as my relationship.

As I’m quickly approaching graduation, I feel ready and better prepared for the struggles that the Real World brings. The end of college means the end of my youth and the beginning of real independence. I’m scared in a sense that life wont be as structured and predictive as college is, but I’m excited knowing that the real world means that anything is possible and confident in knowing that I am better equipped to handle it.  Life is only gonna get harder but I'm only going to get stronger.

Bring it on, Future. I gotchu.