Today I feel free. I woke up early, took a long jog, ate breakfast at the French Crepe place that I've always wanted to try on Venice, stopped by a mexican juice bar to get melon fresca and am now sitting in front of the bbq pit, grilling and taking a break from my Dalai Lama book. Today I feel free. I feel like like this world is my very own.
Yea, I've got some problems -- the emotional rollercoaster that I ride with my boyfriend as he goes through his own personal issues, the bills I need to pay for with money I don't have, and the unclear future of a post-graduate life that lays before me. But to me -- this is the way life is supposed to be. Life isn't meant to be flawless. We're all supposed to have problems because thats what makes us wholesome, stronger, better people. If I didn't have a challenge in my life, thats when I'd be worried. That would mean I've hit a place in my life where I would never EVER want to be -- complacency.
So this morning that I spend in solitude, I realize how sure I am of myself, how sure I am that I belong in this world, and how blessed I am to have everything I have. I hate when there is a massive gap between my last blog because there is so much that I want to reflect on and too many lessons/experiences/feelings that deserve to be expressed.
To start with, last week was my dad and Anna's wedding and I never thought I could be so happy. Ever since my parents divorced I longed for the day they would get back together. And after I accepted that wouldn't happen, I longed for the day they would both find genuine happiness and a love that could surpass what their last couldn't. So seeing my dad look into Anna's eyes as they said their vows replaced a puzzle piece of me that has been long missing. If my parents are happy, I am at peace.
I feel so at peace with who I am and where I'm at. I acknowledge that the identity I hold and situation I'm in will never ceases to change, but I am content with it. I feel strong. Strong enough to find completeness without anyone but my family and strong enough to give myself to someone who deserves my love. I feel confident - confident that I will work through all my obstacles and achieve what I desire to accomplish. I feel humble - humble enough to know that I really know nothing and that the world has so much more to teach me.
More to come. Boyfriend is finally home. Now that he's able to move around again, we can relive our past summer and bike ride through this beautiful amazing city. Venice beach, I know you've missed us.
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