on some personal shiiit.

I've spent three long years in an internal battle with myself -- falsely swearing to myself and all my girls that i was done for good, forcing myself to believe that I don't want him anymore, searching for every fault and obstacle to convince myself to let go...trying to terminate any drop of hope for our fairytale ending. I've strived off of that "women independence" and vowed that I would never put myself in a situation to be so helpless, hopeless, desperate and empty ever again.

So here I am after three years of the single life. I've moved to the other end of the state, partied like a crazy animal, explored many potential guys, had many unforgettable experiences, captivated the strength from the women around me, fought by myself, worked hard by myself, and have never been this strong in my life. Three years ago, I would have never been able to imagine that I would be the strong woman that I am today. I've learned to love and appreciate all that I have and to always keep my individuality and positivity intact. I've learned to never take my friends and family for granted because they are my only solid ground. I've learned how to be a complete individual without the security and comfort of a man.

But see. Although I'm so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow and learn and to be complete, I haven't been completely happy-- because in the back of my head and in the bottom of my heart, there was always something I knew was missing. I almost forgot what butterflies, getting excited to see a certain name on the caller ID, hugs & kisses that set my world straight again felt like. And see-- these feelings have never left me since the day that I met him. Six years now and I STILL get giddy. Crazy, right. I know I'm still young...but theres something inside of me that doesn't want these feelings to end.

As of today, I have no idea where this relationship is going...summer fling, forever...who knows. All I know is that I'm happy when I'm with him and he fills a part of me that makes me intensely alive. I've tried so hard to lock up my thoughts and feelings for so long, but now..I just want to take this good thing that we've got and run as far we can with it. I want to love him with my guard finally down. I want us to put away our pride and simply enjoy each other. And if this is a mistake, then at least it was memorable, it made me happy and I had the courage to go for what I wanted.

Meet me halfway, baby, and lets see where this road will take us.